‘I spent years wishing he would hit me. I thought a bruise would be proof.’
by Ailish Delaney
Mamamia
May 2026
Reproduced by Big Group Hug, with gratitude to Mamamia for highlighting our work as part of their Coercive Control series unpacking the warning signs, the profound impact, and the legal shifts, finally naming this behaviour for exactly what it is.
To protect the safety of the woman and children involved in this story, all names and several key identifying details have been significantly altered.
“If he’d just hit me, I’d leave.”
The words rang through Michelle’s* head each time she and Charles* fought. He’d belittle her, control her, wear her down over and over again.
But turbulence in the guise of “love” was all Michelle had known.
At first, she thought he didn’t mean it. That things would be okay if she just kept Charles happy.
But it was never enough.
Michelle alleges that when she was pregnant Charles threatened to kill her.
And every time she tried to leave, he’d reel her back in.
“He threatened to take his life and that kept me in,” she said.
For years, Michelle found herself wishing for a bruise – as if a physical mark would help the world understand the invisible violence she was living with each day.
Then her children were born.
Michelle met Charles, who was older, when she was a young adult.
“I look back now and I think I wanted to grow up,” she told Mamamia.
“I had strict parents and I wanted to get away. He was the first person that came around.”
It didn’t take long for Charles to control Michelle’s world, but at the time, she “didn’t know any different” when it came to relationships.
When Michelle welcomed their children, something shifted. It was no longer just her life and safety in the balance.
“My rose-coloured glasses came off and I realised it wasn’t okay,” she said.
Michelle had enough. After many years together, she was done.
“I thought I wasn’t letting my kids put up with it,” she said.
“I left with the bag on my back and a pack of clothes for me and my daughters.
“I called [my mum] that morning as soon as I knew it was over.”
Michelle received a care pack from Big Group Hug. Helping her start again. Your gift today can help more mums like her.
Charles’ behaviour only escalated.
Michelle says his threats of suicide continued, only this time she ignored it.
“He tried to get into my online accounts constantly. He would send me photos out the front of my mum and dad’s house in the middle of the night,” she recalled.
Charles was charged with multiple offences and an apprehended violence order was issued for Michelle and the children.
While charges were laid, they did not result in a conviction.
The transition from leaving to living was harder than Michelle anticipated. While she was physically safe, she was starting from zero.
“All I wanted to do was break down and cry at night but I couldn’t,” she said.
Since then, Michelle has been able to find the village she was stripped of, who have helped her rebuild and get back on her feet.
Today, Michelle and her daughters now live in their own rental. The “bag on her back” has been replaced by a home she provides for.
“To know I can provide solely for myself a house and clothes is just an incredible feat,” she said.
But while Michelle found a way out, for many women in 2026, the “exit” is becoming increasingly unaffordable. The cost-of-living crisis has turned basic hygiene into a luxury for some.
“Things are going to get harder for these families.”
New data from Big Group Hug reveals a staggering spike in demand between 2024 and 2025.
This is a trend CEO Bernadene Voss said is only accelerating.
“It is really hard to keep up,” Voss said.
The charity sees hundreds of thousands of requests a year but is struggling to fulfil them.
“As the cost of living crisis continues to bite, we know things are going to get harder for these families.”
For Michelle, the scars of the past aren’t easily erased. Because Charles remains in his children’s lives, Michelle still faces the “trauma” of drop-offs and the constant hum of anxiety that comes with crossing paths with a man she fled.
“I’m in survival mode, still figuring it out,” she said.
“I have to see him for the rest of my life. My body still can’t cope with it.”
But the control Charles once held is gone. Michelle has found a new partner who “loves my girls more than anything” and a sense of peace she once thought was impossible.
To those still waiting for a “bruise” to justify leaving, her message is a quiet, steady lifeline:
“Emotional abuse is just as bad,” she said.
“[Leaving} is the hardest thing you’ll ever do in your life… I promise it gets easier.”
If you or anyone you know needs to speak with an expert, please contact 1800 RESPECT(1800 737 732) — the National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service. If you are in immediate danger, call 000.
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